Disclaimer – I am not an expert on the subject of marriage, neither is my contact. My exploration of this topic is a way of learning and viewing things from different perspectives. And our conversation is based on personal experience.
What can I say? The responses I got from the first part of this sequel are very insightful. And it is interesting to note that I got only a few women engaged. I had high expectations that ladies will be out to share their thoughts on this one but I didn’t get much response yet. Hoping to get more soon. See one of them below.
The responses I got from LinkedIn however were from men and I found their responses fascinating. It’s even more interesting because they were from different parts of the world and it made it clear that the subject of submission is seen differently by different people based on their cultural, religious and personal beliefs and it gladdens my heart to get such a variety of perspectives on the matter. I am hoping that in the coming days I would have more people share their thoughts. But for now, take a look at some of the responses I got.
At the close of part one, I mentioned that I probed my contact further to find out how he thinks such situations can be handled. Here is a recap of how the conversation went.
Me: So do you think the focus should be more on being submissive to their husbands or being God-fearing and fulfilling the purpose for which God kept them here on earth?
Contact: “You can never feel the heat except you are personally involved. And I can’t use other people’s experience but I can speak from my experience. It is good for women to be out there, but sometimes they are something else when it comes to finances, decision making, duties at home and even sex. Because they are so occupied they are unable to show up in some of these areas. I’ve been able to balance it because I take up some of the duties at the home front but I am just hoping that most of the women out there are not losing themselves to fame and neglecting their families and their duties on the home front. But this will not happen with a God-fearing woman because she is willing to sacrifice everything to make sure her home and family are in order”.
Me: Thank you so much for expatiating. Do you mind sharing how you’ve brought a balance?
Contact: Men could have ten ways or strategies to handle women or situations, women have a thousand ways to deal with and make a man miserable and by the time a man exhausts his ten ways, the woman still has nine hundred and ninety left. And this is not a joke or exaggeration, it humbles a man. It makes them know never to struggle with a woman but apply wisdom. What men want is that they are not sidelined when it comes to decision making. Most women don’t consult the man, they just go ahead and make decisions without even asking and it makes the man feel left out. How I have been able to balance it is that I let my wife be in charge of most things and I am okay with taking care of little things at home. Yet I feel sidelined when decisions are made without considering getting my point of view. However, as a God-fearing man who wants peace in my home, I apply wisdom by submitting and doing what I can to support my wife.
And there is also the issue of sex where the woman has a low sex libido and uses that as a negotiating tool, and sometimes the man wants to pay back by not showing support but that can cause friction in the home and as a child of God you don’t want to give room to malice or prolonged conflicts so you try your best to make your woman happy. Otherwise, you begin to hear ‘me too’, domestic violence and the likes. The man who wants happiness in his home, just cooperate. This is where we draw the line between obedience, submission and cooperation. Now the submissiveness is not there anymore so for you to enjoy your marriage you have to cooperate with your wife. We no longer look at submission rather we cooperate otherwise they will make your life miserable, especially in this millennial age.
End of conversation.
My thoughts
It is safe to say, what works for A might not work for B, it all boils down to both individuals in their relationship/marriage. They must find a way to make things work for them. The details of this arrangement are between them as long as they are both happy about it and it serves their family goals and vision. I have also come to a conclusion that the parties in a relationship/ marriage should both understand and agree on what submission means to them so that they are both better to serve, honour and love each other the way they want to be loved.
In summary, COMMUNICATION is one of the foundational stones to building a successful relationship. If we don’t communicate we are bound to keep stepping on each other’s toes and unable to avoid avoidable conflicts.
I’d love to read from you too. What are your thoughts?